Media Unimpressed as Sanders Barely Gets Seventy Percent of Vote


Bernie Sanders failed to impress major media outlets over the weekend as he barely managed to win seventy per cent of the vote in three western primaries.

The major cable networks briefly mentioned Sanders’s vote tallies in Washington, Alaska, and Hawaii but noted that he ran out of steam well shy of eighty per cent.

“There’s no point in sugarcoating it,” one analyst put it. “Rough night for Sanders.”

According to one cable executive, Sanders needs to “put up some big numbers fast” if he expects the networks to continue giving his campaign airtime.

“It’s going to be harder and harder to justify covering him while he’s stuck down in the seventy-per-cent range,” the executive said.

While Sanders campaign officials remain optimistic about the upcoming primary in Wisconsin, media outlets are calling it a “do or die” state after his sputtering finishes over the weekend.

“I think if he limps across the finish line with, say, seventy-five or seventy-nine per cent, it’s going to be time for him to reassess things,” one cable representative said. “That would have to be a wake-up call.”

A spokesperson for CNN could not be reached for comment, as the network was busy preparing a ninety-minute special on the birth of Donald Trump’s new grandchild.

By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker

28 March 16

 

The article below is satire. Andy Borowitz is an American comedian and New York Times-bestselling author who satirizes the news for his column, “The Borowitz Report.”

2 thoughts on “Media Unimpressed as Sanders Barely Gets Seventy Percent of Vote”

  1. Ha! I just wrote a post arguing that Bernie is now clearly in the lead for the democratic nomination. It’s over at my blog. The Democratic elite and the mainstream media are in total denial right now about the state of the Democratic race. The Republican establishment, at least, recognizes that they have a train wreck on their hands. Bernie Sanders is winning! Read all about it over at my blog.

    Like

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